I'm sure everybody has seen the preview for the new Leonardo DiCaprio movie, Inception? The preview is kinda mysterious, but the movie has something to do about dream thieves. There are sequences of buildings folding in on each other, and mountains falling down, and Ellen Page having a croissant in a nice French bistro. The movie looks awesome. But here's my beef -- my dreams never look that cool. Ever. And why don't they? They are dreams. I can dream about anything I want, but mostly...I dream that I am at work. This kinda dream is commonly known as a "waiter dream." If you know what that means, then you are shuddering right now. If you don't, then good for you; you don't want to know.
This was my honest to god dream last night. Are you ready Leonardo DiCaprio? I was standing in line at a Barnes and Noble to meet Richard Simmons. Yup, Richard Simmons. This guy right here with the fork. The entire dream was me standing in line to meet Richard Simmons. And when I finally met him, I didn't do anything crazy like grab him, and jump into a speedboat while Barnes and Noble crumbled down around us. I didn't even ask him if he tapes his butt cheeks up, so they don't fall out of those little shorts. What did I do? I snapped a picture of him and said, "It's nice to meet you. I loved Sweatin' to the Oldies."