Rejected Wedding Ideas

Today, me and my dad worked on something for my wedding. I can't tell you what it is because then there would be no surprises at my wedding. And if there are no surprises, you might say to yourself, "Self, I've already read everything I need to know about Steven & Lacy's wedding on her blog, so I don't need to go for real. I'll just virtually go." Well...not so fast, pal!

You do have to come to my wedding or you'll miss out on a few surprises. Like the little surprise that me and my dad worked really hard on today in this horrible deadly heat. I can't tell you what it is, except that it involved a lot of sweating and sawdust. Now, that we've finished (survived) our part of the project, it's now my friend Pilly's turn to take over, and turn our hard work into a creative masterpiece. Which is what he always does.

Since I can't tell you everything that we are planning for our wedding, I will share with you some of our rejected wedding ideas. Some of these ideas came from me, Steven, my family, and a few of my friends. Now, all of these ideas were ACTUAL ideas that were being considered for our wedding, but have since been rejected. Enjoy!

• Having my parents dog, Doofer, escort Brooklyn down the aisle while wearing a top hat and cumberbun. This idea wasn't rejected because Doofer doesn't look absolutely dashing in a top hat (because he does), but because Doofer has a bad habit of being overly-dramatic emotionally (he's a cry baby), and being incredibly territorial (he uses his hind legs to kick dirt and sand in people's faces).
• Steven wearing a formal tuxedo from the waist-up, but swimming trunks from the waist-down. Sorta shaking up the whole idea of "business in the front, party in the back."
• My friend Tyler Nash dressing like Jesus (ala robe and sandals) and acting as our wedding officiant. If you know Nash, you'd know that this is completely do-able since he already shares a similar fashion aesthetic with Jesus, i.e. the long hair and scraggly beard.
• Having a ventriloquist act as our wedding officiant.
• Having a ventriloquist (dressed as Jesus), with his dummy doll (dressed as a Rabbi), act as our wedding officiant, while doing some sort of comically witty satire of modern religious culture.
• Using the train from my wedding gown as a cape post-wedding.
• My friend Tyler Nash escorting me and Steven away from our wedding reception in a 4-man paddle boat filled with beer.
• Putting a Scuba Steve in all the punch bowls.
• Having Steven wear a Broadway-esque tuxedo with a top hat and a cane, that secretly has a sword hidden inside. (Right now, Steven is reading that and saying, "Wait...that's been rejected?")
• Building a giant wedding cake with a false center. Then tricking Steven into standing next to the cake to "get his picture taken," then me busting out of the false top of the cake and smashing him in the face with a Boston cream pie. Okay, me and my friend Rachel came up with this idea, and I'm almost ashamed to admit that this was a legitimate plan for an entire week! Rachel and I thought it was a great idea, and the plan only got squashed when my mom pronounced it ridiculous AND mean. Honestly, I still want to do it. But I have my doubts on whether or not we could fit a giant Lacy-sized cake through the door. Rachel thinks we can.