The Bender Band

We got Steven's wedding band while I was visiting him in San Diego back in February. I let Steven pick out his own wedding band, and then I paid for it. We weren't necessarily planning on buying it right then, but I had just gotten my tax return back, so it seemed like a good time. Coincidentally, the ring Steven picked out cost exactly the amount of my tax return. Strange, huh?

Actually, Steven did a good job picking out his ring. Sometimes his tastes in things tend to be, how should I say...expensive! I know when we had looked at some other potential rings online, I had gotten downright worried. I knew Steven liked to see the bling, bling on me. I didn't realize how much he liked it on himself as well. But he really did a good job choosing his band -- not overly decadent, but just flashy enough. He didn't go with anything too trendy either, so it won't feel like a mistake several years from now. Mostly, I was happy with the price. When he finally chose his favorite, he made sure that he wasn't asking for too much. And he wasn't. Certainly, I wanted to give him as much as I could afford, and he chose something that I could afford. That's one of the things I love about Steven. He is always incredibly considerate towards me, not just with my feelings, but with my wallet as well.

This is the wedding band Steven ended up getting. I like it. It's very Steven. But every time I look at it, I think it looks like Bender the robot from Futurama. I just can't get that thought out of my head, and for some reason that makes me like it more. Steven doesn't know this, but I've gotten into the habit of calling it the Bender Band.

I wanted to surprise Steven and have it engraved while he was still away for work. I took it into the local Jared Jewelry store by the Lynnhaven Mall. I've been in this store a million times because it's where I make all my fine jewelry purchases. Actually, the Bender Band was my first fine jewelry purchase, but Jared is where Steven got all my jewelry, and it's conveniently located next to a Starbucks that I know and trust. Typically, when you walk into this Jared, someone charges towards you with a smile, and a "How may I help you today?" When I walked in, I saw a older-looking lady, hunched over the jewelry counter with a stack of papers. She didn't bother to look up.

Jewelry Hunch-Over Lady: Can I help you?

You know when sometimes you go into a store or business and you sense right away that you are getting the dud. You're getting the crappy employee. The riff raff. The castaway. The person with the crappiest schedule and the shittiest attitude. Basically, you're getting the employee that they haven't had a direct reason to fire yet. That was this lady.

Jewelry Hunch-Over Lady: Can I help you?

Now, if I would have had any balls at all, I would have yelled, "I don't think you can!" and then ran to the safety of the Starbucks across the parking lot. But I didn't. I told her that I had my fiance's wedding band, and that I was interested in getting it engraved.

Jewelry Hunch-Over Lady, Who is Still Hunched Over and Hasn't Bother to Look Up at Me Yet: Well...did you buy it here?

Me: No, but I got it at a Jared in San Diego.

Jewelry Hunch-Over Lady, Who is Still Hunched Over and Is Just Now Bothering to Look Up at Me with a Sigh: Oh. Bring it here then.

Things didn't get any more delightful from there. When we were filling out the paperwork, she spelled my name wrong...twice! I know that Lacy isn't the most common of names, but there's only 4 letters involved. Plus, my original purchase slip (with my name on it) was right in front of her and she still managed to spell it wrong...twice! Not exactly a good sign when someone is engraving an eternal message of love on your fiance's wedding band. I asked her if she would be doing the engraving and she said it would be someone else, so that had me a little bit relieved.

When she went to rang me up, she said it would be $22. I only had $20 in cash on me, so I had to use my debit card. This was not my internal dialogue to myself, I actually said all of this out loud. "I really wanted to pay in cash, but I've only got a twenty, so I guess I'll have to use my card." Then when she ran my credit card, it turns out that it was only $15. Where did the $22 come from? Why when she saw that she made an error in the price quote, did she just not tell me, "Oh hey, it's cheaper than I thought. You can pay in cash."

The engraved message was short and sweet, With all my love, Lacy

But what I got was, WITH ALL MY LOVE -LACY

Okay, not a major difference. She used a dash, when it was supposed to be a comma. And it's in all caps when it was supposed to be properly capitalized. But I gotta admit, it sorta drives me nuts. I know that there are some of you reading this that are going, "Yeah, so what -- what's the big deal?" Then there are kids that I went to journalism school with that are going, "What the hell did they do to the Bender Band!?!"

I know it sounds silly, but the dash? Not as romantic as a comma. And the all caps? My grandgraw used to write me e-mails in all caps. Because she didn't know how to turn the caps lock key off! In fact, why didn't they just put an exclamation point at the end of my name too, so that it would really look like I was yelling, WITH ALL MY LOVE -LACY!!!!!

Oh, I know why they didn't do that, because my engraved message wasn't centered properly, and so it runs from the bottom of the band and angles towards the top. My name looks like it's about to jump off the top of the ring. Even if they wanted to add an exclamation point, they wouldn't have had the room. Knowing them, they would have put a question mark.

WITH ALL MY LOVE -LACY?