Saturday, August 14, 2010

The Stare Master

Everytime I see my cousin Jeni she always says the same thing: "If you need my help with this wedding, Lacy Lou, don't be afraid to ask." First off, Lacy Lou is not my name. Lacy Lou is short for Lacy Louise. Which is also not my name. My full name is Lacy Ann Hall. My Aunt Jan (Jeni's mom) started calling me Lacy Louise when I was a kid. When she says it in her Texas accent, it sounds like LaCee Le'Weeeez. Sounds beautiful, but still not my name.

Secondly, I genuinely appreciate my cousin's offer to help with the wedding planning. I really, really do. The only problem is, there's nothing for her to do. Oh sure, later on, there will be tons and tons of stuff for her to do, and for a lot of other people to do too. There's going to be chairs to set up, catering picked up, a wedding arch erected, pink flamingos to be placed along the side of the road (yeah, you read that right), Brooklyn chauffeured around (yup, you read that right too), and chocolate chip muffins & mimosas to be fetched for my bridal morning breakfast (oh yeah, I just took it up to Bridezilla-level with that one). But there's really nothing for anybody else to do now.

This early in the wedding planning process, a bride can't really outsource. I can't send in someone else to try on wedding dresses for me. I can't get someone else to go to my bank, withdraw money, and get a cashier's check for a vendor deposit. Plus, there are things that I really wouldn't want other people to do. Like order Brooklyn a dress for the wedding. And there are other things that I would be too embarrassed to ask other people to do. Like putting different colored tank tops on Brooklyn to see which color best flatters her.

Side Note- If you are feeling sorry for Brooklyn right now...don't. After this photoshoot she got the holy grail of doggy treats, a peanut butter Kong, which is normally reserved solely as a reward for getting a bath. So shed no tears for Miss Brooklyn here. Remember, she's kind of a brat, and would pull the sheets off your bed and piss on them, if the mood struck.

I'm not going to say that I haven't spent a daunting amount of time working on this wedding already. But when planning a wedding, do you want to know what you spend most of your time doing? Staring. I spend a lot of time just staring at things. Just staring at stuff, and thinking. Sometimes I stare and ponder. Sometimes I stare and reflect. Sometimes I stare and contemplate. Sometimes I just stare and don't think about anything.

What do I stare at? I stare at pictures in bridal magazines a lot. I used to stare at them and think about what dresses would look good on me. Now, since I've bought my dress, I stare at wedding dress pictures and think, "I wonder what the alterations process on that dress would entail?" Sometimes I stare at the picture and have just a passing thought. Sometimes I actually imagine the entire process of altering the dress. Once again, I'm not staring at a picture of the dress that I bought, but just staring at wedding dress pictures in general.

The internet is a great place to stare at things. I stare at a lot of tiaras. I stare at invitations. I stare at cakes. I stare at pictures of the beachhouses that we've already rented. I re-read descriptions of the beachhouses; descriptions that I've already read a hundred times over. I spend a lot of time staring at the catalog for our honeymoon resort. I keep this catalog next to my bed. I sometimes flip through the pictures, and look at it like I'm 5-years-old and re-reading a comforting bedtime story.

Sometimes I do need help staring. That's when I call for staring back-up. Me and my mom stare at a lot of stuff in stores. Me and my dad stare at lumber in Home Depot. I send Steven links so he can stare at things that I've already spent hours and hours staring at.

My plan is simple: Translate all my staring into informed and practical decisions. Get stuff intermittently done throughout the year, so there isn't a bottleneck of last minute tasks. There's a lot of stuff that must be done right before the wedding, so do everything else I can early. Stay organized, make lists, stay ahead of my budget, and lastly, delegate. Cause honestly, while I'm doing most everything now, I'm not planning on doing a god damn thing the day of my wedding.

And in regards to my cousin's remarks, "If you need my help with this wedding, Lacy Lou, don't be afraid to ask." Yes, I do need your help. I will need lots and lots of your help. But not now, later.

But thanks for asking...Jeni Po.

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