Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Reality TV Round-Up: Tuesday Edition

Flipping Out: How do these people have such nice houses? All of them. Everybody in California has nice houses, they all wear scarves, and have ample time for idle lunches. When I watch this show, I feel like everybody in the world is rich, but me.

The Rachel Zoe Project: Brad would totally be my boyfriend. He would totally be my boyfriend if, 1) he wasn't gay, 2) didn't live all the way across country, 3) wasn't completely out of my league, and 4) I wasn't already engaged to a straight man.

Teen Mom: Why is that fat girl such a bitch? How are they so poor, and yet she always has a full face of make-up just lay on the couch and yell, "GARY!" How is this kid Tyler so mature? I think he's just 17. Did you see last week's episode where he told his fiance that even though he was having trouble dealing with her dishonesty that he "made a commitment to her, so he was going to honor that commitment and work through this." Did you see this week's episode where he suggested they went to couple's counseling? Where did this kid come from? Boys weren't like this when I was in high school. Did Dr. Drew mold him out of clay during Psych 201 pottery class?

My Life on the D-List: Where are you!!!!!! Why no episode this week?!? I wasn't prepared for this. Nobody warned me.

The Girls Next Door, The Bunny House: I accidentally watched 10 minutes of this show while I was waiting for a classier reality TV show to come on. This show is the biggest bunch of garbage I've seen in a while, and I'm a frequent viewer of garbage. That girl Jade is an idiot. I don't care if she banged Brody Jenner, I'm pretty sure a lot of girls have. The big drama during the 10 minutes I watched was that they were about to announce the Playmate of the Year. This girl named Hope. Hope had written a speech and was practicing it around Jade. But you know Jade. She's soooooo wild and unpredictable. So she grabbed the speech from Hope and ripped it up, she then ate part of it (hey, why not put a couple more things in that mouth), and then threw the rest off the balcony. She advised Hope that it's best for her to just speak from the heart. Then they kept cutting to interviews of Hope saying that she was glad that Jade did that, but now she was so nervous because she didn't have a speech. Oh no, what was she to do? She kept going on and on about how wild and unpredictable they were, but that's just the life of a Playmate. She'll just have to wing it.

Cut to her giving the actual speech...she's totally reading the speech off a teleprompter! I mean like one of those foot teleprompters, so she is clearly looking down at the ground at the speech every 3 seconds and then back up at the audience. And it's less of a speech and more of a list of thank yous. "I'd like to thank Hef....(look back down at the monitor)....the people at Playboy...(quick glance at the monitor) family for being so supportive....(back to the monitor)...and all the great girls I've met here at the Playboy Mansion. It was like an awkward valedictorian speech with more cleavage, but fewer Deepak Chopra quotations.

It was the biggest bunch of garbage I'd ever seen squeezed into a 10 minute segment. I recommend this show highly.

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